Our Adoption Story: Part 9

February 07, 2009

Feb. 7, 2009

The sealing was absolutely fabulous! At the temple they treated my hubby and I as if we were getting married all over again! Literally! We had our own little temple worker with us that took us everywhere, I changed in the bridal room, the temple workers helped me get dressed (which was sort of funny since they were helping all the other girls with their big wedding gowns and I just had a very comfortable skirt and shirt), they let us spend time in the celestial room before entering the sealing room, etc. It was just fun because I was able to remember little things about our wedding day that I was too anxious to enjoy on our wedding day!

Having all our friends and family waiting for us in the sealing room was awesome! We only missed those that couldn’t be with us! The sealer was great. He inadvertently told a story about the best adoption he had every seen where the boy was a black child and the family was white (he had no idea this was our situation). He went on to call the child, “so black my wife called him licorice“. Everyone was chuckling to themselves as he clearly did not know of our situation. You can only imagine his face when in walks the temple worker with our little chocolate “D” in her arms! His jaw just dropped in embarrasment!

He provided his counsel, more than he had likely intended, waiting for the kids to come up the stairs. But about 5 minutes into his 15 minute counsel, we could hear the kids out in the hall. The sealer must have been a little deaf, because he could not hear the kids.  Little “D” just kept squawking and babbling out there! He was making so much cheerful noise! He was like a spring bird… chirping in the temple hallway! Everyone was having a hard time not laughing. Finally the kids came in… and they all looked like little angels all dressed in their white clothes! They were, of course, starry eyed as they entered.

The ceremony was short and sweet, pronouncing all the sealing blessings on our sweet little “D” as he became eternally ours! It was emotional, yet oh so beautiful!  Little “D” didn’t move the… entire… time… and had his huge baby browns just staring up at the sealer. I think he literally listened to every word (which had us both bawling)! He seemed to know what was going on, almost like he had been anticipating this moment!

After the ceremony, everyone congratulated us and we had the chance to spend a few minutes with the kids as a complete family in the sealing room… gazing into the reflecting mirrors, representing eternity. It was very emotional and such a unique experience this early in our children’s lives! Truly memorable.

Afterwards, we took pictures in our whites outside with the kids, since the weather cooperated, and it was a beautiful warm day for February.

We also ate lunch with many of our family and friends at the Lion House. It was truly a glorious day ranking in my top two (only behind our wedding day)! Life is wonderful!

May 11, 2010

Since I know this is going to become “public” to everyone on my hair blog soon, I thought I would just add one final update. Little D is now almost two years old! How times flies! I’ve just re-read all these post entries and it just feels jst like yesterday that I experienced them. It is really incredible!

I simply need to state emphatically for everyone that this boy is my little man! He is the sweetest, charming, (a little rowdy), little guy and we love him dearly. I can’t, nor do I want to, imagine my life without him in it. I’m so grateful his personality in our home.
(a year ago)

(now)

I was reading another favorite blogger of mine the other day and she was talking about moments when “Your spirit taps your heart” to remind you of the joys of life. I had one of those moments this week. To explain, you must understand that when we go to church my husband does not sit with us in our pew. He is a member of the Bishopric in our congregation and this means he sits up on the stand with two other men, all three presiding over the church meetings. I know this may be confusing to people not of my faith, but ask you to just bear with me.  So I sit by myself in a pew with all five kids. The four girls are pretty good, but The Dude is at that really awful age where he is just too restless to sit still. Instead he wants to run up and down the aisles, screams, kicks, and just generally has a fit if I try to keep him still for too long. On days like that, when I get frustrated by him I often point out his daddy to him and send him up to sit with my hubby for a few minutes on the stand.

So last Sunday my little man ran up, climbed up in his daddy’s lap, and promptly turned around to look at the congregation.  He quickly scanned for me, found me, and gave me this look as though he had gotten away with something naughty! But when he could tell I was looking at him also, he threw his arm up in the air, waved his hand emphatically, yelling (loudly) “Momma, Momma, Momma!” When I and most of the people sitting near us started to giggle, he waved even harder! It was seriously one of those moments when “Your spirit taps your heart.”  This… is our son!

For more information on our experience, incluing a Q&A, read Adoption 101.

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Our Adoption Story: Part 8

January 27, 2009

(A photo of the whole family at the courthouse.)

Ok… I finally have a few moments and thought I would write about yesterday. But to really explain it you have to have a little background info. So here goes (I know it is long, but I promise it’s good)…

In the great state of Utah, a birthmom can sign away her parental rights as early as 24 hours after delivery. This varies some from state to state. In Missouri (where we also spent some time living), the birthmom had to wait 5-7 days. As soon as the birth mom signs over her rights, there is no going back. I can only think of two reasons when this wouldn’t be the truth and they are as follows:

1-You are seriously one of the unfortunate ones who have a bizarre adoption situation where the birth parents would still have rights for some unknown reason. (I’m not saying it can’t or doesn’t happen, only that it is VERY uncommon.)

OR

2-You have adopted a baby that is part Native American. In this case, if the Tribe find outs and claims “Tribal Law” (which usurps Federal US law) they can, in fact, take the baby away from you and raise it (I won’t even offer an opinion on this one).

So our birthmom signed off her rights after 30 hours. To be technical, birthmom’s actually sign over their rights over to the agency (in our case Heart to Heart) who then makes us “co-guardians” yet custodians of the child. Make sense? Why you ask?

In Utah (and I would assume this is similar in all states), there is a law that requires that the adoptive child be in the home for six months before finalizing/legalizing the adoption. During this time period, there are three in-home visits by a social worker/counselor who verifies that the baby is thriving, the family is bonding, no abuse is taking place, and that the baby is being seen by a doctor, etc.

After six months, you can legalize/finalize the adoption. This means going to court and in front of a judge declare your intention to adopt the child. You need to have an attorney, the above-mentioned social worker will also be there, and you of course have to be sworn in. This hearing is also when you can change the child’s name officially and legally to your last name, or if you have chosen a different given name than the birth mom put on the birth certificate (remember… often she legally names the baby before signing over her rights). I have to be honest as it was my first time in court… it felt a little like being on “Judge Judy” or something, without the drama! LOL

So yesterday was our BIG day. It was the day that we got to take the little dude to court and legally make him ours forever! It was so awesome! We are good parents and have a good home, but to finally know that nobody could be looking for reasons to possibly take him away… it just feels great!

So let me tell you how it went:

We all arrived very early in the morning, they swear us in, the case worker testifies that we are good people and that the little guy is loved, etc. Then the attorney proceeds to question my hubby in front of the Judge. It goes something like this:

Counsel: Do you want to adopt the child?
Hubby: Absolutely

Counsel: Do you realize the child will be just like your other biological children?
Hubby: Yes

Counsel: Do you realize that the child will inherit?
Hubby: Of course

Counsel: Do you realize you can’t give him back? Even when he is 16 and wrecks the car?
Hubby: Yes (laughs)

Counsel: Do you realize if you were to divorce Mindy you would still be responsible to take care of the child?
Hubby: Yes

Counsel: Describe your relationship with the child.
Hubby: Very significant (smiles)

And so on….BUT then comes THE QUESTION:

Counsel: Why do you want to adopt this child?
Hubby: (Normally pretty tough… starts to tear up and gets emotional) “Because I love him”.

So you can all imagine that if I was doing well before this, now I am a complete mess… I’m getting teary, blinking a lot, trying to bite my lip, praying my nose doesn’t run all over my face, scoping for tissues, etc… anything to keep from losing it completely. Because now it’s my turn for questions…

I get a lot of the same questions from the counsel. But then comes THE QUESTION again.

Counsel: Why do you want to adopt this child?

Now in my defense, I think at this point I was so befuddled I wasn’t thinking right. I was so worried about losing it that I didn’t give the answer I wanted. All I said was…

Me: Because we love him.

Which is ok I guess. But really—come on–I could have done SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT! I mean, I didn’t even use the singular possessive form and say, “I love him”. I said, “We love him”. And it was kind of a cop-out anyway since my hubby had just said the same thing. I had so many things in my heart at that moment and all I could think to say is that? SO LAME!!!

So I am here to declare, in my very public blog, to all my readers what I should have said! Because this, this, THIS is what I was thinking and feeling at that moment.

Why do I want to adopt him? Why wouldn’t I want to adopt him? He is perfection. Even before I knew him I loved the very thought of him. I wanted him, I prayed for him, I hoped for him. And THEN, I met him. I watched him gain life. I cut the cord that attached him to his birth mother. Almost like a physical representation of what was to come… one mother taking the child from another mother. And yet not–because in that moment we were one. We both wanted him, we both love him, and we both wish for him to have the best life possible. And I realized that this child was so special he got TWO moms that loved him. And in that moment my feelings for him grew even stronger.

And now I watch him grow. I feed him. I take care of him. When he cries, I respond. I know his smells, his voice, his wants, his needs. And he rewards me every day. He rewards me with giant slobbery kisses, his big browns (eyes) staring at me memorizing my face, with his hand reaching up to touch my cheek. He is the complete and perfect sum of everything I couldn’t give him genetically. From his delicious chocolaty skin, his arched eyebrows, he very kissable full lips, to his giant big brown eyes. He is perfection.

And so when you ask me why I want to adopt him I respond with, how could I not? He is part of me. A little person that has somehow managed to leave me completely enamored with him. I could no more give him up then go without air at this point. I would protect him with my life.

Sure, I’m human. Sometimes there are long, exhausting days full of poopy diapers, tears, bottles, and sleepless nights. But then in quiet moments I look at him and wonder how I lived without him. I wonder what kind of husband and father he will be. I look at him and wonder what my grandchildren will look like. And in those moments I know–he is already mine. In the grand scheme of life—I wouldn’t change a thing. He is my son, my heart, my future.”

So the very short answer to this question is, I love him. But that doesn’t really say it all does it?

To read more, click Our Adoption Story: Part 9

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A Very Sweet Email

January 16, 2009

This is an email I received a few days ago… this is exactly why I keep posting about the adoption stuff….

J wrote:

So I left a comment a couple days ago about my cousin. They have been with another agency (I removed the name) for about 18 mths and never met with a birth mom. I emailed her about your blog (btw, I love your cute hairstyles my daughter picks one every morning before she heads to school) she called Heart to Heart 2 weeks ago and last night they were chosen~!~ Can you believe it!! I am crying so hard right now, if it hadn’t been for you and your posting about your son this never would have happened.

Thank you sooooo much!”

I love hearing these stories! So thank “J” for letting me know and congrats to the family and their newest addition.

Happy Hairdoing!

* Note from Mindy: Don’t forget to follow us on BlogLovin, a new easy-to-use blog reader!

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A Quick Update

January 10, 2009

Just a quick update on the 4-year old girl situation…

Heart to Heart called today to let me know they have enough families to show to her family. They send out a personal H2H “THANK YOU” for all the calls and concern. However they are considering this situation closed to anymore families. They feel the family will definitely match with one of the families they are currently working with.

Way to go my people! You guys are so awesome.! I also say thank you to all that called, prayed, thought, or told others about this little girl. I know she is on her way to a wonderful family!

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Mindless Ramblings by Mindy

January 08, 2009

As of late many may have noticed that my “hair blog” is somehow morphing to an “adoption blog”. My husband keeps reminding me that I still need to cover the hair too! So allow me to just apologize to readers following a “hair blog” for the adoption stuff. And to those reading an “adoption blog” for lots of info about hair. LOL! Just think how well-rounded we will all be!

If I didn’t have the URL already set to “Cute Girls Hairstyles” I would more correctly call my blog something like “Mindless Ramblings by Mindy”. Too late now!

Happy Hairdoing!

* Note from Mindy: Don’t forget to follow us on BlogLovin, a new easy-to-use blog reader!

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About Me

What do you get when you cross 34 yrs of living, 14 yrs of marriage, one HOT husband, five adorable daughters, one handsome son, and tons of great family and friends? Pretty much the sum total of who I am!!



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