Dealing with Divorce | Mom Minute

May 24, 2014

Todays #MomMinute topic is about dealing with divorce. While it hasn’t shown up often in my life, we do have a few cases of close family members or friends who have gone through a divorce.

Dealing with Divorce

Today’s question comes from Olivia who asks, “My parents just got divorced, and do not get along. I feel like they are making me pick sides. I do not want to lose either of them. What do I do?

Dealing with Divorce

I believe that in some cases divorce may be merited {such a physical, mental, and sexual abuse}, and in others it may not be {infidelity, mid-life crisis, pure selfishness, etc}. Every situation is different, and we really shouldn’t judge because not only is it wrong to do, but we may only know a sliver of what has really happened.

What I do know, is that in many cases the children are indirect victims who often impose the blame on themselves. This is where the heartache comes in for me. Worse yet, are situations where the parents politic the children to choose sides, which is such an unfair situation to place them in.

My counsel to anyone in this situation is to be honest with your parents about how you feel.

Many of you do not know this, but Shaun’s parents divorced just a few years ago. The kids were all grown, which certainly made it easier, but the process was still a little hard on them. Fortunately, the divorce is fairly amicable which took a lot of dedication from both parents. Shaun’s advice to both parents while they were going through the divorce process was, “It’s more important to do what’s right, than to be right.

{That’s actually advice we should all take and live by on a daily basis, eh?}

Along with being honest with your parents, etc, something I neglected to state in the video is to find someone else you can confide in. Whether it be a counselor, teacher, priest, extended family member, or a friend, find someone who can let you vent, cry, laugh, and love. Going through a divorce as a child is something very difficult to manage alone, and reaching out to a 3rd-party loved one may just give you the extra strength you need.

What I can say is that your parents love you dearly! They’re simply are at a point in their lives where they need to take a step back and identify who they are.

Keep your head up, try love them a little more, and honestly let them know that your relationship with them now no longer includes the other parent. If you tell them that lovingly, they should quickly understand and do their best to respect your wish.

What I hope you always remember though, is that you are NEVER alone! There are more people who love you than you likely recognize. I heard a quote once that testifies of that, saying “God works approximately 10,000 miracles in our daily lives… however we only recognize about three of them.

For any of our readers who have gone through divorce, what advice to you have for Olivia for how you were best able manage and overcome that process? Please free to leave your comments below…

Happy Parenting!

7 thoughts on “Dealing with Divorce | Mom Minute

  1. Infidelity is a valid reason for divorce. I’m not saying a one time bad decision on one spouse’s part, but being married to a serial cheater/liar does not make for a happy life for anyone.

  2. I love Shaun’s saying! I have a list of my favorite quotes and I just added this one!And poor Olivia, it will get better over time!

  3. I am divorced (8 years) with children. Nothing breaks my heart more than to see divorced parents do this to their children. Our children were not the cause of our divorce and though it was rough in the beginning, my ex and I have always been able to say those simple words ” this is not their fault” to each other to re-focus any disagreements we may have. I would encourage every divorced parent to remember that and to also remember that despite the divorce, children have bound you to each other for as long as you both and those children live and breathe…and in my case, even after that…so make it work. My divorce does work because all my ex and I have to do together is parent our children. I have open communication with my children’s stepmother, this is important as well. My boys have a new baby sister and we can’t wait to meet her. WE as in me as well. I know that it’s hard. If there wasn’t pain and suffering in the marriage, there wouldn’t have been a divorce. But it is not impossible to deal which that pain and suffering separately from parenting the children. Whatever caused the divorce is between the adults. Any offense was made between the adults. No matter how much that offense hurt the adult, aside from abuse, it is no reason to try to keep the other parent from their children because remember, the divorce was not their fault!
    I would encourage any child dealing with this to bravely remind their parents of this and don’t be afraid to simply refuse to take sides and remind your parents that you love them both just as much as they love you.

  4. Hey Olivia,

    I am sorry that your parents are not getting along but just say to them that it is not working out and you need them to love each other more

    Julia

  5. My Parents should of gotten divorce way before they did abuse was a issue and as much as I wanted my parents to be together I also wanted the fights and abuse to stop,Life was a little over barring after especially since my dad remarried just months after but My advice to you Olivia, is know it’s not your fault what happened or how they are towards each other. Take each of aside and talk to them on how you feel. Also find some one else to talk to so you can get the feelings out. Take one day at a time it’s going be awhile before the new normal feels normal. Also get a diary or journal to write it helps sometimes when your feeling mad or sad. It also helps to find a place of your own a place where you feel peace (my place is near a water ,water relaxes me)and go to it when you feel overwhelmed and need to clear your head before talking to your parents or someone else (let your parents know your going and if need be bring a adult or older person who will keep an eye on you from afar if your too young to go by yourself )I hope this helps hang in there Olivia hugs

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What do you get when you cross 34 yrs of living, 14 yrs of marriage, one HOT husband, five adorable daughters, one handsome son, and tons of great family and friends? Pretty much the sum total of who I am!!



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