This below is a continuation of our adoption journey, Part 1…
June 19, 2008
Dear hubby and I have officially been legally approved for adoption! After 20 long weeks of paperwork, time, sweat, energy, money, and waiting FOREVER for our criminal background checks to pass three states, we are finally done!!!! Our web profile is online now. YEAH!!
On a totally random note, we received a call from a private agency, Heart to Heart Adoptions, asking if we were interested in using them. They had heard from a friend that had used them that we were certified at Agency A. They apparently have more babies in their pipeline than willing adoptive families for children. After much contemplation, and understanding that our wait time could be around four years with Agency A, we felt good about making a change. So in a crazy whirlwind two days, we copied all of our information, released our homestudy with Agency A, and began certification via Heart to Heart as well.
You NEVER know what is going to happen with adoption. You must have faith that the Lord will place the right baby in your home on His timeline. So we do the work, we’ve done all we can do, and now we wait.
Note: There was WAY more stress, energy, and craziness involved in those two days than I have depicted here. I just thought I would sum it all up and spare everyone all the stressful details!
June 25, 2008
Heart to Heart called today to tell us that everything is officially approved through them! We are excited to now be available to two different agencies, but particularly with H2H since they have so many babies coming down the pipeline. We are anxiously awaiting our first profile showing!
June 26, 2008
Today we received a call letting us know that H2H has an available situation in which they want to profile our family! That was quick! We were used to the idea of a wait, so this was much faster than we ever imagined!
Private agencies are different from Agency A in that you have more options as an adoptive family. At Agency A, a birth mom receives all of your info first and if they like you, she picks you. Turning down a baby then is very much discouraged since it could be a long time to get picked again. There is definitely an underlying feeling of “count-your-blessings” if you are selected by a birth mom.
With many private agencies, they can have far more birth moms than adoptive families. This is particularly the case when an agency deals more with trans-racial infants in areas where race isn’t super diverse. We are perfectly open to adopt trans-racially, and the agency was ecstatic upon hearing this. I think H2H said they have 7-8 families right now matched with those babies, and about 9 birth moms scheduled to deliver in the next few months.
So today we received that first call. The adoption agency wanted to show us a birth mom’s profile, all her medical history, birthfather’s medicals, extended families info, baby gender, hobbies, education, delivery location, photos (if they have any), etc. Then we decide whether or not that birthmother can see our profile. The agency said they will only profile three families to a birth mom at a time so as to not overwhelm her. Then if she does not like any of them, they profile another three. Of course, with butterflies in our stomachs, we agreed to have our profile shown. The showing won’t be until Monday, since that is when the birth mom was available to meet at the office. We are nervous!
Info on this situation: Baby boy, due July 23rd, African American, sounds very healthy. Birthmom is 5’2″. Birthfather is 6’1″. She has two other daughters, a three year old and a 12 month old (the latter is a full-blood sibling to the baby boy). Birthmom is 18. She is totally committed to adoption and is ready to find him his forever family and return home. That’s it in a nutshell.
Of course, showing our profile doesn’t mean anything solid. We all realize we can’t get too emotionally involved yet, but it’s another step in the process of adoption that will eventually bring us our baby. It’s nice to feel like we are making forward progress. But here’s to hoping….
June 27, 2008
Do you ever feel like God is testing you? Expecting you to make the best choice you can and see if you have faith to follow through? Do you ever question whether God is trying to tell you not to do something… or whether it is Satan simply trying to thwart a good thing? Lately I am having a hard time deciding what is going on. I don’t think it is coincidence that the very week we decide to go with private adoption, taking a little leap of faith, with the extra finances involved there, that…
- My car freon dies leaving me with no air conditioning. The first week it hits 100F and the kids have 5 places to be in any given day. Cost to repair: $400.
- We figure out we may have grubs in our yard eating our grass. Lawn looks awful. Cost to repair: $120 for grub killer, $150 for sod patches.
- We find out the twins need glasses. Costs: $90 for both eye checks, $100 for each set of glasses.
- Home air conditioner died. On a Saturday night, with no hope for help on a Sunday. Cost to repair: $250
- R falls in the shower and splits her eye open. Off we go to the doctor for stitches. Cost to stitch: $200.
All of this after paying $15,000 to put a drainage system in our basement because of neighborhood grading and flood plane flooding concerns (the homebuilder says they are not responsible). Does that mean we aren’t supposed to adopt with H2H? That we shouldn’t commit our financial resources to a baby, OR is it Satan trying desperately to discourage us from adding to our eternal family??? I just don’t know, and am so confused and have been praying for weeks to feel that powerful reassurance that we will make the right decision. I know that blessings tend to come after the trial of our faith. Of course, now that situations are about to start falling into our laps and we are mentally prepared for the financial addition, we are getting bombarded with extraneous expenses. Help!
July 9, 2008
Sadly, we officially heard that “birthmom A” decided to place with another family. =o( Of course we are so disappointed to not have been picked, but in adoption we must accept that there are never any guarantees. Apparently the birthmom would have preferred a family with fewer kids, and so we have no other choice but to move on. It is sad, because for some reason I feel so drawn to her! Not just because she was the first birthmom to consider us… I cannot explain it. Oh well, I know that when the right baby is here, it will happen. Until then, we just wait and keep trying to hold on…
When we received this news, before H2H hung up the phone, they asked if they could profile us to one other birthmother. Wow! Really, so quickly??? Situation: Baby boy, African American, due Sept 9th. Birthmom is 29 and has 3 other children. The birthfather is not in the picture and she can’t support another baby. She will deliver in Utah, and is from Louisiana. Everyone is healthy. We agreed to be shown.
July 12, 2008
I need to start writing about all of this or I am going to forget how I am feeling! We have been on vacation back to Missouri, of course! For the Fourth of July holiday.
Yesterday, as we began the drive home after visiting Jamesport, Missouri (a small Amish town with no cell reception), about 10 miles outside the township we received a voice message. The voicemail was from Kim, our caseworker at H2H, saying that ‘birth mom B’ had decided to place with another family. We were devastated!
Here is the crazy news! Kim then told us that birthmom A had decided she wanted to proceed with us AFTER ALL!!! What a roller coaster! Kim then asked if we could meet for dinner on Monday night with our birthmom. Today is Saturday late afternoon and we were still a few states away… I have never seen my husband drive so fast!!! The drive across Wyoming seemed like it would never end!
We were excited and nervous all wrapped up in one, and had both felt more drawn to ‘birthmom A’ rather than ‘birth mom B’, but tried to discount it because nothing was sure. Now remember, ‘birthmom A’ is due on July 23rd so that is only 11 days from our phone call! You can’t even imagine all the things that went through my head in that moment.
We were just so excited and overwhelmed that we probably looked like lunatics to everyone at the gas stations and restaurants all the way home! The family also spent the entire 16-hour drive home talking about nothing but this fantastic news, etc! Thinking about what to name him, what we needed to get ready, how excited we were for a baby boy, how nervous we were to meet the birthmom on Monday, etc. I even made my husband stop at a Gap Outlet in Park City so that I could run in and shop. (I only bought one little onesie, but it was fun to finally shop in the BOY section!)
To read more, click Our Adoption Story: Part 3